Don't Be Afraid

With Halloween upon us and goblins about it seemed apropos to talk about fear.  What are you afraid of?  The dark, spiders, bats, the unknown, the future, another Republican president, Nancy Pelosi, socialism, healthcare reform, rejection, being judged, your own thoughts, death?

Tom Petty sang in the song Crawling Back To You, "Most things I worry about, never happen anyway."  Whenever I hear the song those lyrics call out to me and remind me how much time people spend thinking about the 'what ifs' in life.  There's a difference between being prudent and planning for the future and needless, mind and time consuming worry.  I know too many people who spend too much of their mental energy thinking about things over which they either have no control or that are the remotest of possibilities.  Driving in the car, in the shower, doing errands, in meetings, or even in the middle of a conversation their minds reel with thoughts about everything from what someone really meant when they said something to what people will think if they say something.  They worry about how something they do today will impact their lives in 15 years without giving a moment's thought about all the other things that won't happen.  Or they contrive every possible scenario and worry about each of them.   Their minds quickly drift from the present moment thus depriving them of enjoying the only thing that is real:  NOW.



A long time ago, as a teenager, I was given advice that has guided me through all the challenges I've since faced.  It goes something like this:  If you have a problem, challenge, or a difficult situation that's ONE problem.  If you're over thinking or obsessing about it you now have TWO problems.  Why add a problem to the problem?  Best to just focus on the issue itself and leave the worrying out of it.  I know this is easier said than done, but if you take this advice to heart, I guarantee you that the tightness in your chest will lessen and you'll see things more clearly.  There's a reason that books like Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and It's All Small Stuff sell millions. It's because there's multiple millions of people that are sweating small stuff all the time.  And ironically they are also sweating the fact that they are sweating the small stuff!


Think about how controlling and powerful an emotion fear is.  They say that sex sells (and of course it does), but fear surrounds us all day long.  From the 3AM phone call to the current debate over healthcare reform, instilling fear of the unknown or change is about the most compelling technique available.  Fear is a mainstay of marketing.  Just watch the network evening news ads.   Do you go to the bathroom at night, do you suffer from allergies, are you old?  Nothing as honorable as scaring old people. (I am often more scared of the potential side effects.  Anyone ever experience spontaneous stomach bleeding?)  Advertisers want to make you feel inferior, stupid, and ignorant. They are trying to scare you.  If you don't have the gadget or aren't up with the latest trend, you're on the outside looking in.  Fear of being different is a motivator for many to become another sheep in the flock.  In religion fear is too often used to compel parishioners to conform to religious dogma and in extreme cases to blow themselves and innocents up. Fear fills the coffers of insurance companies everyday and it's made the makers of Ambien very, very rich.

Fear is a natural emotion.  It is a psychological and physiological condition.  Sweating before a job interview or public speech.  Butterflies in your stomach before a big game.  Downright terror at the top of treacherous black diamond ski slope.  Fear can sharpen our vision, heighten our hearing, and focus our attention.  It's not such a a paradox that we often seek out the rush of adrenaline brought on by fear.  Race car drivers, skydivers, and daredevils all thrive on it.  Hollywood makes a mint on fear, especially around Halloween, causing many of us to lie awake at night wondering what that bump in the night was.  I can still viscerally recall the deep seeded fear I had of falling asleep after I saw the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers with Donald Sutherland.  I checked for pods under my bed for months afterward.


While fear is useful, an involuntary mechanism for self-defense, and can protect us, it's wise to be vigilant and know when you're employing fear for your own benefit versus when it's being used to manipulate you.  And to enjoy life to its fullest it's imperative that you be self aware of when your fears are chimerical, unnecessary, unhealthy, and consequently wasteful.   Needless worry consumes your valuable time and energy; it takes you away from the present and brings your mind into a future that is unknowable, unlikely, and by definition imagined.  Stop over thinking it.  Don't be afraid of what might happen - and almost certainly won't.  Be hyper aware of when fear is being used to induce you into making a decision.  ("This sale ends today and you don't want to miss out on the savings." Yes, that's using fear.  They are trying to capitalize on you being afraid of missing out on 'savings.'  But really they are afraid of losing a sale.)

So this Halloween enjoy the scary ghosts and ghouls, but relish in the knowledge that the fright in the night is as contrived as the fear promulgated everyday on television, the internet, and in the media.  And most importantly, be self aware when you're generating and feeding fear and worry in your own mind.  You have to be cognizant that you're doing it to stop.

Now if you want to see something scary, watch what happens to this ship.

Bonjour Québec

Some time ago, my wife (hereafter referred to as Véronique) and I planned a combined 40th birthday getaway (I guess that would be an 80th birthday getaway), sans child.  Véronique turned forty in August and I turn in December so we thought we'd split the difference and go in October.  We both like to travel, but since the arrival of our son, Rémy (his French Canadian name), traveling hasn't been the same.  That isn't to say it hasn't been enjoyable, but sleeping in doesn't generally happen and neither does going out much past 8pm.  Since both Véronique and I have traveled to and enjoy Europe we elected to go to Canada.  Pourquoi?  Because it was much, much easier to drive to Europe these days than to fly - cheaper, too.

For those that haven't been to the Europe of Canada, I have one word for you:  Go.  I also have another word if you go this time of year:  Jacket.

The drive from Connecticut to Québec is about 8 hours and we elected to shoot straight up through Vermont on Rt. 91.  We stopped in Brattleboro for lunch and were lucky to have found Amy's Bakery Arts Cafe, which overlooks the Connecticut River, makes their own delicious artisanal bread, and has the requisite crunchy Vermont vibe.  The drive north through Vermont was gorgeous and though the leaves were a tad past peak, the hills didn't lose any of their majesty when the leaves started to brown.



Arriving in Québec by early evening, we checked into the Manoir Sur-le-Cap hotel, a stone's throw from the more famous and certainly more visually impressive Fairmont Le Château Frontenac.  Yet for price and location, Véronique and I were very quite satisfied with our hotel. After settling in we ambled around the old city in search of dinner.  The Old City is the heart of the tourist center of Québec and there were no shortage of restaurants competing for diners.  After surveying several restaurants on both Rue St-Louis and Rue St-Jean we landed in Le Patriarche, just off Rue St-Jean on Rue St-Stanislas.  The restaurant's gimmick was to serve things in threes so that if you ordered an item you got a three different tastes of it.  Since Véronique and I are almost vegetarians, we didn't partake in the restaurants local game specialties, but did enjoy their creamy butternut squash soup and a scallop appetizer.  I enjoyed a main course of fish (halibut, monk, and shrimp), but Véronique thought her vegetarian (risotto, ratatouille, pomme au gratin) main course was just okay.  My favorite part of dining here is that I was completely underdressed for the pretentious atmosphere.  It made me feel very famous and aloof.

The next day we awoke to snow! Unusual even for Québec in October it was nonetheless a genuine winter storm.  The winds blew fiercely and the freezing rain and snow pelted us throughout the day.  But since vacations are rare for us, we braved the elements and wandered the Old City in precipitation- obscured daylight.  We traipsed both haute-ville and basse-ville, the upper and lower tiers of the city.  The upper part of the city sits atop a 200 foot cliff overlooking the Saint Lawrence River and one can easily see how its vantage offered quite the military advantage.

We eschewed the traditional inclement weather destinations like the museums and instead ducked frequently into cafés for shelter, sustenance and alcohol.  Despite the poor weather, the city's many charms were readily evident.  Thanks to its French heritage, landscape, and history, there were numerous buildings, streets, and vantages that compelled me many a time to exclaim, "I feel like I'm in Europe."  I said this so often it became my comedic refrain much to my darling Véronique's eventual forced amusement.  By afternoon's end, we climbed the so-called 'breakneck' stairs and sought shelter in the famed bar of Le Château Frontenac.

We sat ourselves at the circular bar where I enjoyed a generously poured vodka martini and Véronique sipped on a bloody mary.  Véronique raved over her caesar salad and I was reasonably pleased with my smoked salmon sandwich.  Véronique followed her salad with a South African chardonnay and thereafter we crossed a snowy and windblown Jardin des Gouverneurs Parc‎ to our hotel.  Tired from the days excursion, we took to bed and promptly fell asleep for the next two hours -  the possible highlight of our trip.

Still mostly full from our late lunch, but vacation guilted into not skipping meals, we opted to for a light and unassuming dinner.  By the time we roused ourselves from our nap and showered, it was a bit later than the usual dinner hour.  As we wandered around we found many restaurants quiet.  We chose Pizzeria d'Youville and were impressed with a really nice Greek salad, the cheesy pizza pie. and our waiter, a skinny Rafael Nadal look alike.  Sated and tired, we trekked up the hill, past the Frontenac, and settled in for the night.



With the promise of sunny weather, Véronique and I woke before 7 to see the sunrise over Lévis, the city across the river to the east.  It was a frigid 23 degrees, but it was clear outside and as the sun rose we were treated to a glorious view of the Saint Lawrence River, Le Château Frontenac, and even a brave hot air balloonist (insert Heene reference here).  Determined to make the most of what was to be our only sunny day, we walked up the hill behind our hotel and ventured over to the Citadelle and then wound our way downhill to what was one of our favorite sites in Québec, the food market called, Le Marché du Vieux-Port.  The market showcases a multitude of local produce, wines, cheeses, and other specialty foods from the Québec region.  The bounty was impressive and hunger inducing.  We settled on a bit of produce to go along with some delicious cheeses, bread, and local wine.  The market is open everyday from 9 until 5 and it's well worth a stop.  We made two!

I am growing bored with the play by play of our trip which means you stopped reading several paragraphs ago.   I do want to mention a few other highlights of our trip and here they are in short order.  Café du Monde - traditional French bistro right on the Saint Lawrence River.  Restaurant L'Astral Hotel Loews Le Concorde, which is a rotating restaurant high atop the city from where we enjoyed the view and a very expensive glass of champagne.  Also, go beyond the Old City walls and check out Rue St-Jean west of Place D'Youville.  We found many interesting stores, especially those with an "epicerie" focus.

After four days in a foreign land, Véronique and I departed for home for États-Unis.  We missed Rémy very much and were, like many weary travelers, looking forward to sleeping in our bed.  Québec has much to offer and is well worth a visit (or two).  With its rich history, architecture, landscape, European feel, fine food, and easily navigated streets, I heartily recommend a Québec.