Don't Be Afraid

With Halloween upon us and goblins about it seemed apropos to talk about fear.  What are you afraid of?  The dark, spiders, bats, the unknown, the future, another Republican president, Nancy Pelosi, socialism, healthcare reform, rejection, being judged, your own thoughts, death?

Tom Petty sang in the song Crawling Back To You, "Most things I worry about, never happen anyway."  Whenever I hear the song those lyrics call out to me and remind me how much time people spend thinking about the 'what ifs' in life.  There's a difference between being prudent and planning for the future and needless, mind and time consuming worry.  I know too many people who spend too much of their mental energy thinking about things over which they either have no control or that are the remotest of possibilities.  Driving in the car, in the shower, doing errands, in meetings, or even in the middle of a conversation their minds reel with thoughts about everything from what someone really meant when they said something to what people will think if they say something.  They worry about how something they do today will impact their lives in 15 years without giving a moment's thought about all the other things that won't happen.  Or they contrive every possible scenario and worry about each of them.   Their minds quickly drift from the present moment thus depriving them of enjoying the only thing that is real:  NOW.



A long time ago, as a teenager, I was given advice that has guided me through all the challenges I've since faced.  It goes something like this:  If you have a problem, challenge, or a difficult situation that's ONE problem.  If you're over thinking or obsessing about it you now have TWO problems.  Why add a problem to the problem?  Best to just focus on the issue itself and leave the worrying out of it.  I know this is easier said than done, but if you take this advice to heart, I guarantee you that the tightness in your chest will lessen and you'll see things more clearly.  There's a reason that books like Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and It's All Small Stuff sell millions. It's because there's multiple millions of people that are sweating small stuff all the time.  And ironically they are also sweating the fact that they are sweating the small stuff!


Think about how controlling and powerful an emotion fear is.  They say that sex sells (and of course it does), but fear surrounds us all day long.  From the 3AM phone call to the current debate over healthcare reform, instilling fear of the unknown or change is about the most compelling technique available.  Fear is a mainstay of marketing.  Just watch the network evening news ads.   Do you go to the bathroom at night, do you suffer from allergies, are you old?  Nothing as honorable as scaring old people. (I am often more scared of the potential side effects.  Anyone ever experience spontaneous stomach bleeding?)  Advertisers want to make you feel inferior, stupid, and ignorant. They are trying to scare you.  If you don't have the gadget or aren't up with the latest trend, you're on the outside looking in.  Fear of being different is a motivator for many to become another sheep in the flock.  In religion fear is too often used to compel parishioners to conform to religious dogma and in extreme cases to blow themselves and innocents up. Fear fills the coffers of insurance companies everyday and it's made the makers of Ambien very, very rich.

Fear is a natural emotion.  It is a psychological and physiological condition.  Sweating before a job interview or public speech.  Butterflies in your stomach before a big game.  Downright terror at the top of treacherous black diamond ski slope.  Fear can sharpen our vision, heighten our hearing, and focus our attention.  It's not such a a paradox that we often seek out the rush of adrenaline brought on by fear.  Race car drivers, skydivers, and daredevils all thrive on it.  Hollywood makes a mint on fear, especially around Halloween, causing many of us to lie awake at night wondering what that bump in the night was.  I can still viscerally recall the deep seeded fear I had of falling asleep after I saw the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers with Donald Sutherland.  I checked for pods under my bed for months afterward.


While fear is useful, an involuntary mechanism for self-defense, and can protect us, it's wise to be vigilant and know when you're employing fear for your own benefit versus when it's being used to manipulate you.  And to enjoy life to its fullest it's imperative that you be self aware of when your fears are chimerical, unnecessary, unhealthy, and consequently wasteful.   Needless worry consumes your valuable time and energy; it takes you away from the present and brings your mind into a future that is unknowable, unlikely, and by definition imagined.  Stop over thinking it.  Don't be afraid of what might happen - and almost certainly won't.  Be hyper aware of when fear is being used to induce you into making a decision.  ("This sale ends today and you don't want to miss out on the savings." Yes, that's using fear.  They are trying to capitalize on you being afraid of missing out on 'savings.'  But really they are afraid of losing a sale.)

So this Halloween enjoy the scary ghosts and ghouls, but relish in the knowledge that the fright in the night is as contrived as the fear promulgated everyday on television, the internet, and in the media.  And most importantly, be self aware when you're generating and feeding fear and worry in your own mind.  You have to be cognizant that you're doing it to stop.

Now if you want to see something scary, watch what happens to this ship.